your first baby typically consists of a big baby shower, a cute little theme, treat and drinks to share, lots of gifts for your little babe to get you started in parenting and newborn life on the easiest foot possible!!!
and your second babies and onward, you can have a “sprinkle” (Schitt’s Creek anyone?) to fulfill the little spaces of things you need for your LO. but you know what i like even more than a sprinkle? or honestly, even more than a baby shower at all?? a nesting party.
a nesting party can look a lot of different ways, in simplest terms — you invite and host those closest to you to help prepare for postpartum and the fourth trimester. and here’s the thing i knowwww we don’t typically host parties for ourselves, that is not the norm. BUT we are in the space of communicating what we need, and leaning on our community of folks that love and support us.
i’ll share some examples of how i’ll be doing this with my friends and family to get ready for our second baby boy, but here’s why i absolutely LOVE a nesting party in addition to, or in replacement of a baby shower/sprinkle —
because it puts a more primary emphasis on preparing and holding the parents (and especially the parent that is doing the birthing and the breastfeeding) during the fourth trimester. not only the baby.
in the US especially, there is a massive push to support the baby (which i’m not discounting at all, this is deeply important!!!) — think like 8-10 visits during pregnancy and ultrasounds to check on your growing babe.
as compared to postpartum for the birthing parent? one single postpartum visit at 6 weeks. and idk about you, but i’m still pretty infuriated that i had to ask my surgeon of my cesarean section at my 6 week check up to look at my incision. oh, and i couldn’t even bring my son to this appointment to see my doctor for 5 whole minutes? absolutely WILD and i still don’t think this is okay at all.
breastfeeding and lactation is birth work. and let me tell you, from speaking to so many parents after sharing my own incredibly long and difficult labor story, and our unfortunate 7 day NICU stay — most parents wish they were heard and seen more. they crave to be supported much more than they were during postpartum.
and i hate so deeply that this is the truth, but there is trauma in not being supported as a human. and especially in the very fragile time after birth. maternal mental and physical health could be in such a better place if there was more acknowledgement of how hard parenting is, and honestly preparing for a real postpartum experience.
not just the romanticized version we see in the media or online.
a nesting party also invites a close group of family and friends into your community and inner circle. these are the folks that are your village, that you can lean on during those long nights, when you don’t think you can change another diaper without screaming at your baby 😭 these are the folks that want you to ask them for help. you are not a burden to ask for help and support during the postpartum period and beyond — child raising AND keeping yourself mentally and physically well is a marathon.
what i’m incorporating into my nesting party before our second baby boy comes earthside —
- inviting my friends and some family over to our home
- having breakfast, snacks, coffee and mocktails to serve
- having a list of projects that my husband and i need help completing before birth
- washing pumping parts and bottles
- washing, drying + folding newborn clothes laundry
- clean set of sheets on the bed
- asking each person to bring over one or two soups/stews to put in our deep freezer for postpartum
- soups and stews are warm, cozy, nutrient dense, and easy to pop in the crock pot
- this can also be easy breakfasts or snacks to warm up
- deep cleaning around the house
- dusting, moping, scrubbing, carpet shampooing
- cleaning out the fridge and freezers
- cleaning out the pantry/cupboards
- prepping the bathroom basket/cart for easy hygiene care for me
- prepping a pumping/nursing cart
- prepping diaper caddies
some other ideas that i really absolutely LOVE —
- cleaning/organizing the nursery (or any other space where you and baby will be sleeping)
- help restock household items like shampoo, conditioner, soap, toilet paper
- decluttering, donating and recycling
- meal prepping at your gathering with specific recipes
- putting together strollers, installing car seats, or other furniture
- helping pack your hospital or “go bag” if you are birthing outside the home
- helping prep and set up your birth space if you are planning a home birth
- outside yard work clean up
- ask your friends and family to come with a gift of diapers
some suggestions if you are considering doing a nesting party (and making it truly successful) —
- you’ve gotta be seriously honest with your people on what you want done around your home, and what you want prepared. coming from a recovering people pleaser and an eldest daughter who doesn’t like to get in anyone’s way or be a burden — your folks want to help you. they are there offering their time and acts of service for YOU.
- if your people want to get you a gift, ask for a donation to birthing or postpartum services. some of my favorites are a doula (during birth and postpartum), a lactation counselor (omg that’s me, and if you’ve ever felt a pull to work with me, here’s how you can), chiropractic care, pelvic floor physical therapy services and talk therapy after baby is born. i truly believe that every single parent should be in therapy and it should be part of the recovery process.
- a few questions to ask yourself and to think about —
- what do i truly want done around my house and in terms of preparation, regardless if i am doing it or asking someone else to do the task?
- what will ease my stress and anxiety once my child is in my space?
- as a recovering people pleaser, and someone with a lot of anxiety and spacial overwhelm — i know it can be hard to ask for help. but think about your best friend, or coworker (that you actually like). you would instantly say YES to coming and help her prep and feel good and take some stress of of her plate, right?! your friends and family want to help give you their time and energy to support you. let them. yes, even if it feels somewhat uncomfortable.
have you attended or hosted a nesting party before?! i would love to know your experience!
xoxo, Bethany | Certified Lactation Counselor | Your Overproducing Exclusively Pumping Mama
